Father’s Day: Why Celebrating ALL Dads can Help them be Better Dads

Times have changed in the family dynamic and everyone is doing more… or are they? Family life is busy and the “dad-duties” have evolved (especially compared to past generations), but it may not be enough given the demands of raising a family in this day and age.  

Here’s the reality: family life is demanding more and more of us parents – and, in different ways that we may have never experienced. Listening more to our kids, understanding their feelings, spending more time with them, and taking into account their perspective are just a few of the many present-modern-day family dynamics that are being required of parents. This is especially true for dads! In fact, with every generation, the bar is being raised for dad to be dads*. Many fathers are stepping up to the task, willing and wanting to be the dad kids nowadays need. But what about the dads who could be doing more???

Whether or not the involvement from dads is a lot or a little, it’s important to celebrate all dads – even those who may not be doing “enough”. 

In this article, I’ll share why this is important to do, the critical role moms play, the pushback dads may dish out, and some simple ways to celebrate Father’s day!

Many Changes = Very Demanding!

The parental roles have changed and everyone is doing more. But for Dads specifically, it’s not enough to be the fun dad or the cool dad, you now gotta be the involved dad – that is what’s needed for today’s families. Here’s the challenge, most dads are working full time and expected to be more involved in parenting than ever before! Similarly, moms are also being asked to take on roles beyond motherhood and many are working full-time. In fact, in 1976, 40.5% of mothers were employed; by 2021, this had increased to 76.5%.**

This creates an imbalance and confusion of parental roles. In many households, this has been highlighted because every parent is strapped for time and raising a family takes a lot of work! Who’s doing what? Who should be doing: the cooking, the pickups, the homework help, the home maintenance, the quality connection time with kids???

There are so many different roles to play as a parent and sometimes the lines can get a bit blurred. Plus, every family dynamic is different, and parental duties now need to be shared – and that can look different for each family. 

Here’s my suggestion: Approach your family as if it were a team and take on the perspective that if you work as a team, you ALL win. This perspective allows every team member (including kids) to take on a role. The neat part is – parents get to decide what those roles are – ideally through a discussion together – and what may work for you and your family, can be unique to your family dynamic. Figure out what works best for your family – determine your roles (which can change over time and discussion) and do them to the best of your ability. And, like any well-functioning team, remember, there may be times where you need to support each other outside of your “typical role”. Winning teams do that – they support one another.

Special note to moms: If you’re a mom reading this, and you feel you’re the one doing most of the parental duties, or you simply just want your partner to be more involved with the children – I get it!!! Trust me, I do. And, I know, through years of my practice (and through personal experience) the most effective way to do this is to focus on what your partner is doing and celebrate that!

It may sound counterintuitive, but there is neuroscience behind this. Trust me it works big time in the long run, when practiced consistently.